STRESS!

I am the Michael Jordan of stressing myself out.  As I was getting ready for the holiday season I could feel it creeping up on me, there was a lot going on.  Closing the building, lots of traveling, getting ready for vacation, and then being ready to be back at work.  With the holiday season, finances become stressful...this all begins to pile up and then bang it hits me.  Luckily, for everyone else this happened yesterday when I was completely alone.  Because of the massive blizzard that was about to erupt in the northeast, I got up and left the ville (Lakeville) much earlier than planned to get back into the city.  Alivia and I were suppose to be flying out Monday morning so I wanted to make sure that I got back in case the weather got bad...which it did, flight was cancelled and we now leave Tuesday!

I started to find myself getting annoyed on the commuter rail, for no real reason.  I got back to my apartment and watched the Patriots game half heartedly (even though they were closing out the AFC East and the top seed in the AFC!).  I, then preceded to completely break myself down in the gym...I was in their for a solid 90 minutes and tried to tire myself out so much that I wouldn't be able to focus on really anything.  However, all that really did was get my brain moving faster than it already was...CUE THE SNOW

I took this time to just go hang out in the snow.  The snow was not very conducive to snowball making, snowman making, or really anything.  But I can't begin to explain how peaceful it was...to be on a totally empty college campus, standing in the middle of the quad just taking in the scene.  Emmanuel is a beautiful campus anyways, but the snow just made it look majestic.  I must have been out there for over an hour accompanied by only my headphones and the occasional plow, who probably thought I was mental.  

Returning from the gym and the snow, I was at this point wiped out.  The campus soon after lost power and I was left with Samuel Adams in the bongos.  A dangerous combination if anyone else was left in the building...luckily for me and for the rest of the building, I was alone. I rocked out for a good half hour and when all was said and done I realized this; I need to only stress about the things that I can control.  There are so many things that are out of my hands that I get myself so worked up about...I need to take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the ride.  Maybe the cancelled flight to Vegas, the extra day in Boston, and the insane blizzard happened for a reason.  May be a bit self-centered to think all of those things happened so I can realize to chill out...well I'm just glad I benefited from the storm. 

Ben Folds live in Berlin - Rock This Bitch In Berlin

He made this song up on the spot....pretty funny. (yes i'm obsessed)

Ben Folds sings with STREET CORNER SYMPHONY on The SING-OFF Finale

Dexter!

I usually have a tough time with television shows. I'm more of a movie person I guess. If I  don't really get sucked in or invested, I tend to give up after a couple of weeks.  Every once in a while however, I get wrapped up into something...something like Dexter.  In a little over a years span, I have managed to plow through 5 straight seasons of Dexter.  I love it, it's a little weird that my favorite show involves rooting for a serial killer who works for the Miami Police Department, but it has happened.

Henley!

 I'm sure (I hope) other people who love this show go through the same emotions...almost trying to relate or connect with Michael C. Hall's character.  I would like to think that no matter how we connect that our actions would not be the same...but the thought process that goes into his day to day life.   His problem solving methods might be a bit different but I think we are all faced with choices...choices that involve consequences. The decisions we make, large or small, shape the person we are...the person we want to become. 

I think why I resonate with this show is that it is just nice to see someone, even though he may be a serial killer, struggle with the same life decisions that we all go through on  daily basis.  Struggling to understand who he is...who he wants to be.  Balancing his own thoughts of himself with those of the people around him.  Trying to steady the roles of being a father, brother, being at his day job, and his night job...we can understand the frustration that goes on in his brain while trying to keep all those plates spinning! I don't think I really know what I'm getting at here except 1. If you don't watch Dexter you should and 2.  Who doesn't love a Henley right?

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Strip My Mind (Album Version)

Great Song from the movie "The Fighter"

Animal- Neon Trees (griffsmith version)

One of my RA's little brothers put this together, hilarious!

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in


 moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of 


challenge and controversy."



~Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend...James Lorello

I received some great news last night! One of my former students from when I was working at the University of South Florida (Go Bulls!) emailed me last night to let me know he won the ACPA outstanding residence life graduate student of the year award.  I had the privilege of working with James Lorello for two years and was lucky enough to have the opportunity to supervise him for one year on the Maple Staff (HOOOOOT).  He was an all star.  James has a great grip on reality and has a gift for gauging situations and reading people.  He has a great heart and is going to make a phenomenal student affairs professional.  He was a joy to supervise and it was fun watching him grow during my two years at USF.  I wish I could take some credit for his success but I know he was on his way well before me...I'm just glad I got enjoy some of the ride.  Congrats Buddy.  The award is well deserved and I hope we see you in the northeast very soon!

Engaging

How do we actively engage the students who aren't looking for it?  It is easy to engage those who are ready and willing but those are the easy students...really those aren't the students we should be targeting.  Those students are going find a way to become engaged, participate, grow, and learn.  On the flip side, there are always going to be students who do not want to have anything to do with what you have to say...and that' s OK too, not ideal, but OK.

How can we draw them in? We can intentionally program, create conversations, make connections, etc...but how can we really bring them in? Engage them?  This isn't a post that is going to give too much insight, I'm really posing this question to you?  What has worked for you?  What has not?  What can we do to reach the students who so often go unreached?

The Temptations Papa Was A Rolling Stone

Reminiscing

This picture really doesn't have a whole lot to do with
this post, but it made me laugh!  My college roommates...and Steve

I was fortunate enough to have some pretty incredible college experiences.  The good and the bad, I would like to think I had a well rounded 4 years at Emmanuel.  The other day my old college roommate and I were catching up on everything since it's been a while since we have seen each other and our old baseball times became a topic of interest. Rocky is probably the smartest guy I have ever met.  It was clear that out of all my friends there was a good chance he was going to be the most successful...and you know what the kid deserves it.  He is incredibly intelligent and logical, but what sets him a part is his work ethic.  His goal is to constantly be the hardest worker in whatever he's doing and that was evident when it came to baseball.  Unfortunately and fortunately, living with this kid did not allow me to miss any 6 am practices...which would have been nice here and there.

Championship!

 We played 3 years of baseball together at Emmanuel, the last probably being my favorite memory that I left this place with. "Wait, so this 4 ft 6in kid played college baseball?" Well, sort of...it was a start up program, I'm not Pedroia, I promise. The fall of my senior year, we ended up taking down the league championship, our first year in the league!  Just being selected to participate in this league was an honor in itself, as it was the first time the team really competed in its existence, but for it all to culminate into a trophy was pretty amazing and a great way to start your senior year.  This morning, I was going through some old pictures and found some that I'm going to post just because it makes me feel good to think back on how much fun those times were.  I was able to participate in a lot of things in and outside the Emmanuel College community but none will ever amount the fun, excitement, and hard work that occurred with this group of guys.

The Captains

This game was the closest I came to being thrown out of a game.
The Umpire seriously called this guy safe, be real now.

Miss this kid

College Roommate!

ESPN OTL: John Lennon Murder, 30th Anniversary

30 year anniversary of the Murder of John Lennon

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Michael C. Hall Christmas Song (12/7/10) - Video - NBC.com

Getting Ready for the Dexter finale!

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Michael C. Hall Christmas Song (12/7/10) - Video - NBC.com

Another Great Weekend!

I can't remember enjoying my weekends like this since I was in college!  Friday happened to be my birthday, Alivia and my sister put together a little surprise birthday party for me.  Well, it was sort of a surprise, I have some...unintelligent...friends that are not really great readers and decided to call me the day before and apologize for not being able to make it. Well, my sister and brother did do a great job of tricking me and Kevin and Kristen both decided the day of that they could "no longer make it" to my birthday outing. Needless to say, they all made it and we had a great time.  Our Night began at the Black Rose down near Fanueil Hall. Alivia and I went there for dniner (which was excellent) and then Vedran was the next to show up.  Things began to escalate quickly as more people continued to show up...drinks were moving faster, the band began playing, and more friends kept showing up!  It really was an excellent night.  We went from the Black Rose to Sissy K's and that is where the evening commenced.  It was a great birthday...even though I was turning 26 I sure felt like I was still 21 for that night, but the morning after quickly reminded me that I was definitely not 21.  Recovery time is not what it once was.  

I also got to spend some time with the family on Sunday.  The parents came up and took Alivia and I out to lunch. I know I mentioned this last post but I really do appreciate the time I spend with my family more and more.  Even if it's only for an hour here and there it is really just nice to be around them.  Overall, it was a great weekend.

One other note from the weekend, it's officially winter.  Just in case people missed the memo, I figured it was my responsibility to pass that along.  It is now the season of over-sized jackets, hats, and gloves.  I feel like it happened over night, where it was still fall...chilly but now that wind chill is in full effect, not a huge fan but that means snow is coming and I do enjoy me some snow!

I love this city!

With that being said, it also means it is time for Christmas (and closing!).  I am so excited for winter break.  I get to spend a little bit of time at home, some time away from college students, and some time in VEGAS!!!!  This year is absolutely flying by and it's nice to be in a good mood again.  I find that the days that I am happy far outnumber the days that I am unhappy...and I'm pretty darn sure that this would not be the case if I was still at the school that shall not be named.


One last thing for all you sports fans out there.  Today's date is Tuesday, December 7th and I think it's important we talk about the New England Patriots.  They absolutely smoked the New York Jets last night.  I'm all for competitive football games, I'd rather watch a nail-biter than a blow out.  But you can bet the house that I watched that game in its entirety last night.  I loved every minute of that sch-lacking the Jets, Sanchez, and Ryan took last night.  It just made me happy inside, I don't care if that's lame.  You can say it's just sports, or just a football game, but I can tell you this...I slept better last night because we whooped some ass!

I have always liked Tom Brady but I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love with him this year.  He has taken his leadership abilities to new heights.  When he first started winning games he wasn't the key.  He managed games and let the strengths of the team take over.  Now, he is the leader.  He is the strength.  He has reached that Michael Jordan phase of his sport where by him being on the field he makes those around him better.  You can see it in the way he talks to the young guys after mistakes are made but also by the way he reacts when they are successful.

Jimmy's 1993 ESPY Speech

In Honor of Jimmy V week, I felt it is appropriate to post this incredible speech. Jimmy V passed a month after this speech.

A Celebration Of Jake Hanna

This video is of my late great Uncle Jake Hanna. He was an unbelievable drummer!

11/17/10 Ben Folds - Sleazy [Ke$ha cover]

Ben Folds played this at the Orpheum. He explained this song by saying he does one cover for every tour. He could not think of what to play so went on iTunes and decided to play whatever was #1 at the time...and away we go

Thanksgiving and the weekend!

I am so very blessed to have the wonderful family that I do, as I have gotten older this has become clearer and clearer. I had such a great time hanging out with my brother and sister over the Thanksgiving break and just spending time with the fam.  Even though I live so much closer to them these days I stink at going home.  I still see them here and there but I don't go home for the weekend as I once did.  I love my family very much and I know I would not be in the place that I am today without them!

Molly(My sister) and I in the Dugout at Fenway!

My Brother Jake

The rest of the weekend was pretty incredible.  One of my good friends, Pete, was married on Friday.  It was my first experience with a Gay wedding and it was pretty amazing.  Not because it was a marriage between two men but it was someone who I care about that has found happiness, it's cool to witness those ceremonies regardless of the parties involved.  The reception was pretty wild that involved a lot of alcoholic beverages and a bunch of dancing.  The night concluded with patio umbrellas (courtesy of Uno's bar and grille) set up in our hotel room and in the hallway.  Not quite sure how that happened but it was a bit odd waking up to that in the morning.

The Groom, the Master of Ceremonies, and the other Groom

The Men of the Ft. Lauderdale Table (a couple deep)

The drink of choice at "The Sun"

The following day should have been a time for recovery and sleep! Unfortunately, I had already made plans to go out with Vedran, Sladja (V's girlfriend), and Alivia.  About an hour after I got home we were on our way to Mohegan Sun down in CT.  We ended up all killing a black jack table for about 7 hours that night all leaving with a nice chunk of money and an incredible buzz.  It was a great weekend spent with amazing people and though it was not a relaxing break it was definitely and enjoyable one.  Being the Thanksgiving season it was a nice reminder of how blessed and thankful I am for the wonderful people in my life...friends new and old, thank you for being there!

BLACK JACK!

Lady Danville "Bed 42" GreenRoots Presents "Blue 'n Green Showcase" w/ M...

Ben Folds

I had such a great night last night!  I was fortunate enough (thanks Alivia) to have a ticket to go see Ben Folds at the Orpheum Theatre, in Boston.  This was the 3rd or 4th time that I have had the opportunity to go to a Ben Folds concert and he just doesn't disappoint.  He is hilarious, entertaining and just unreal on the piano.

I have also been very lucky with opening acts lately.  Lady Danville was the opener and they were awesome. A very unique sound that actually reminded me a bit of Guster, but they also killed it.  It was a really great night, it got me away from campus and since I was going to the show alone it was just a very relaxing night.

I had not really listened to Ben in a while so it really sent me back in time a few years.  It's funny how music can do that to you.  When you reflect back on certain periods of time, you almost have a soundtrack playing in the background.  No matter when I hear certain bands or songs I can almost bring that to a certain time period.  Guster was all through high school and seemed to be the summer time between college semesters.  Ben Folds had much to do with my first two years of college until Jimmy Eat World runs right through the second semester of my junior year.  I distinctly remember being on the beach in Florida listening to the Futures album on my ipod.  Everytime i hear the song 23, I can think of exactly what I was doing at the time, crazy!  Jack's Mannequin entered into my life right at the beginning of my senior year, I can remember being on the bus getting ready for a baseball game against Northeastern and listening to 'Dark Blue' over and over again.  It is so cool how music can do this to a person.  It's 3 minutes of a song but you can distinguish exactly what kind of memories flow through your mind when it graces your mix!

Anyways, below are a couple pictures from last night! Stay tuned, some videos will be posted shortly!

Heading into the Orpheum

Ben Folds!

Lady Danville

Lady Danville - Cars

A little Ben Folds

With the anticipation of the Ben Folds Concert tonight I thought I'd leave you a little something!

The loser inside of me

So I may have read all of these in less than 3 weeks. Cool.

Happy Tuesday

Just a bit of inspiration.

Relax!

Two Posts in one day? That's about as many posts has I had in 2009. I have reached boiling point for today. The day started of great, I had some wonderful conversations with students and staff alike. However, I have lost my patience with certain situations and I'm pretty sure it's my personality that has gotten me to this point. My personality naturally forces me to try to connect people. My role in groups generally is to link together parties that might not always connect. However, it is gotten to the point where I am becoming stressed out because of the situation. At some point, I need to say screw it right? If you don't want the help, if you want to make things difficult for yourself and those around you then that is your choice. Opportunities have been presented, a floating device has been thrown in your direction, but if you want to leave it there and swim on. Best of luck.

Potter

I did something that I thought would never happen in a million years. Something I made fun of for a long time, thought was silly, and never....ever thought I would open one of their books, let alone take it seriously. But it happened. I have managed to plow through the 7 book series in a whopping 3 weeks. I really can't explain how I exactly was swept up in the books, I tried to tell myself it was because of the leadership development that could be pulled out of that book in used in my own profession (true but not the reason) or even because I knew how much it meant to Alivia that I should take the time to read it (also true) but I have to honestly say that I was just genuinely hooked on the story. I would lie to say that I am not slightly embarrassed but I think you're not human if you somehow don't connect with one of these characters that keeps you coming back to the stories. I found myself trying to relate with them, sure that can be difficult because well, I don't own a wand and I'm just about 26 years old...but there are so many deep lessons taken from the Potter experience. To watch a student transform in the way that he did over a 7 year stint, to see the maturation process, the trials and tribulations that he went through...well we can all relate to that can't we?

Working in a college environment I truly have the privilege to watch students go through this process. Working in a first year residence hall I get to see them come in as 17 and 18 year old students and see in 4 years time how they have changed, matured, grown. I get to see them learn more about themselves and where they fit in this school, in the work place, and in the world.

We find inspiration and motivation sometimes in the oddest of places. For the first semester of my new experience at Emmanuel College, I was able to find mine through the Harry Potter series (it took me a while to write that, it's still weird seeing it let alone believing it). It is a reminder of how instrumental education can be and how influential we can be as student affairs professionals.

I wonder what the books would have meant to me if I read it when I was a teenager or when I was in college? I am sure that my outlook and take on the series would be completely different...sure there would still be somethings that I would take the same way but my experience in higher education has surely made me look at the situations a bit differently. It was fun for me to have this experience at this age though. It made me long for my childhood again, when I was young and had no idea what the future held for me and believing that my life could run down so many different paths. Having that distinct belief that I was going to do something great in this world...I had no idea what it was or where it was going to come from but I truly believed that I was going to do something that would leave a major imprint. As time has gone one my visions and goals have molded a bit differently than I would have anticipated however, much of that has remained the same. Reading the series at the age of 26 has inspired me to continue to pursue greatness...to continue to make the difficult decisions when you know they are the right ones...and more importantly to continue to just do good. So many times we take for granted the power of doing good, taking the time to go out of your way and make a difference, that's what its about...and it took 3 weeks of reading about the life of Harry Potter to remind me this.


Thank you Harry.

Expecting the Unexpected

Since I began supervising I have always preached expectations. I want my students to be able to clearly explain their expectations that they have of me (their supervisor), of each other individually, of a staff as a whole, and of themselves. The expectations that are created at the beginning of the year set the tone, they put everyone in the staff on the same page and also help me mold my relationships with them as a supervisor. I get a better understanding of what they are looking for in each other but also in me.

I am slowly realizing that expectations is important to me in just about all aspects of life. I don't know if I have always used the term 'expectation' when my brain was wrapping my head around different situations, but taking a look back...that is definitely what it is.

In an sort of position/relationship I have some expectations in my head that I have to meet with the person/people that I am working with and I also have my own of those people. I would like to think I do a good job of verbalizing what those needs are because after all how can people meet my expectations if they do not know what they are?

Silent expectations can be a killer to any group that you are working in. You might not be meeting expectations and you have no idea! How do we handle this? How can you tell?

Let's eliminate the silent expectation. Let's communicate our needs effectively and reduce the guessing that has to happen on a day to day basis. I promise it will make everything a lot easier.

Amazing

So I pretty much had a top 5 day ever on Tuesday. Again, I've been pretty blessed in my lifetime that I have been able to have some incredible experiences but Tuesday definitely raised the bar.

The day started out pretty normal. It was cold and rainy, my office was roughly 22 degrees and my fingers were nearly frost bitten. I was going through the mundane Tuesday routine of meeting, meeting, lunch, 1 on 1, meeting, and finish the work day. As the day was winding I got a call from my sister who was on her way into Boston. Molly has worked at Fenway Park for the past 4 or 5 years and at the end of the year they conclude with a Staff Appreciation Day. They get to go on the field, take batting practice, shag fly balls, really just day to day baseball activities. She told me she could get me in, most likely I would just get to stand on the warning track or in the stands but that I could walk around Fenway and hang out. It was pretty nasty out and I had a night full of meetings but I figured it would be cool to hang out with Molly in Fenway and just get away from campus for an hour or so. As I'm walking to Fenway my sister shoots a text 'Bring a glove!' I take off in a sprint back to campus to get to my apartment to grab a glove. I haven't moved like that in a long time. I felt like a little kid running to a pick up game. I grabbed my glove and flew down to Fenway.

My sister greeted me at Gate D and just walked by security. Walking through Fenway when no one is there is an experience in itself. It seems so surreal when there's no hustle and bustle throughout the concourse, the concession stands are vacant, and no roar of the crowd. We walk out on the third base side right down to the wall. The gate is open right outside on deck circle and we so casually walk right onto the field. I'M STANDING ON THE FIELD. You could have stopped there and I still would be writing about this experience. Then we get in a line...I'm not sure what's going on at first because I am still taking everything in. It hits me! I am in line to take Batting Practice. 20 minutes feels like 3 hours as I anxiously await this once in a lifetime opportunity. Finally, my sister goes...and surprisingly ropes a couple line drives. I walk towards the plate, pick up a bat, and try to stay calm. I'm trying to hide this boyish smile that is plastered across my face. I keep saying, hit the first pitch hard then you can take it in. I zone in on the first pitch as it comes to the plate...and crush it up the middle. Probably a routine fly ball for whatever CF is out there but I at least smoked it to the Outfield. After that it is hard for me to focus on the ball without looking out at Fenway from the plate. I take about 20 or so swings making really good contact without 13 of them.

We then went out to the field and shagged balls for a bit. Unfortunately there were not many great hitters there so we didn't see much action...however, one of the coaches came out and just started hitting fly balls to the outfield. I have a new appreciation for those players trying to track balls in the lights...BRUTAL.

I found myself alone in Left Field at one point in those 2 hours. I'm not sure if I was praying, talking to myself, or what I was doing but I had this sincere appreciation on my face as to what was happening. So many times in life we take for granted our experiences and do not truly understand what was happening until it is over. I was lucky that day. For a few brief moments I zeroed in on what was happening and was so thankful. I must have said thanks to my sister about 300 times or so. She did not have to invite me that day but she thought of me and for that I will be forever grateful. Every young boy in New England grows up with a dream like that...whether you grew up in the 20s, 60s, or today...at one point in your life you thought it would be amazing to play ball at Fenway. I got to do that. It most likely will never happen again but on that Tuesday my little boy had an incredible time.

Thanks Molly

Better Days

Time is absolutely flying. It's been about a month and a half since that last uplifting blog post so I guess its time for some positive notes. Motivation is one of those things that comes and goes for me, it's not a constant feeling that I can control. It's here one minute and gone the next. Well, sometimes it hangs around for a month or so but then it can vanish for quite some time. I've been in one of those motivated mind frames for the past 5 weeks or so.

This new job has been absolutely life changing. It is hard to put into words the changes that have occurred over the last few months. New job, new home, new friends, new coworkers, friends that have left the world, experiences that change your outlook, and well just bad luck in a lot of instances. With all of those changes happening in a short time frame usually spells disaster. I have been fortunate in life to be surrounded by great friends, a supportive family, and a wonderful girlfriend that help through times like that. The bizarreness of it all is that I have not been this happy since I was in college. I don't know if the return of Emmanuel College has reminded me of what I use to love in life and why I wanted to work in Higher Education or really just being around people who want to be here, want to learn, and want to grow...but the change is real.

I use to dread Monday's. Hated going to work, avoided bosses, and did an average job. I now enjoy Monday's...well that might be going to far, but let's just say it's not what it use to be. Sure, I miss some of the people that I use to work with who I became close with but those relationships will remain. I get to keep the best of that wretched place and throw away the rest. What I have learned from that experience is there will be better days. If you don't like your job, if you're miserable...make the change.

Never again.

I don't ever want to go through that again. I don't want any of you to ever have to go through that experience. I have been working in Residence Life since I was 19. Going on my seventh year. I am suppose to be prepared to deal with whatever comes my way and then after the fact be able to process it and move on.

I don't think any amount of training could have ever prepared me for the acts of Friday night. I am going to try and spare as many of the details as I can but unfortunately this is a selfish blog post. It is so I can try to find some clarity and peace...so if you just ate...are just about to eat...or have a weak stomach you might want to just wait until the next blog post comes your way.

I am the king of the Napoleon disease...for those of you non history majors the short man syndrome. I feel like I have to act bigger than I am...whether it's on the sports field, in the gym, or even during altercations. I like to think that I keep a cool head for 90% of the time but what I'm trying to say is I understand what's going on in peoples head when stuff goes down. Well, Friday night was a perfect example of someone acting tough. There was some sort of fight that was happening at the bar we were at...luckily we were 10 feet or so away from where it happened but close enough we knew what was going on. A glass was thrown. It shattered on a divider seperating the bar and seating area and splintered into pieces. Normally, not a big deal. This night however, it turned into a flying dagger...it struck two bystanders giving them minor wounds and would be ok but a bigger piece happened to slice this mans neck. It caught him at a point that it hit an artery (my assumption, not a doctor so I apologize if that is not the correct terminology). He was in shock, I don't even think he knew how severe it was nor did anyone else around him. He happened to stumble on in front of me. It looked like he might have been punched in the face and broke his nose...the way the blood was on his face. He then moved his hand from his neck and blood rushed out. I'm not talking about a bad cut where it quickly slides down his body. I'm talking about gushing. His neck turned into a geiser for the next 20 seconds which seemed to be hours. The second he moved his hand I reached for my phone and was on 911 and trying to grab towels from the bar. In the back of my head, I knew it was too late. We were able to get some help from some bartenders who were staring blankly at the blood that had poured onto the floor. I'm trying to describe the scene to 911 as calmly as possible. I'm not trained for this, I don't even know what I'm describing except I feel like I'm in one of 'Dexter's' Flashbacks. I felt like it was one of those dumb horror films that you kind of laugh at when you watch.

It seemed to take paramedics hours to get there (in actuality there response time was amazing, they were there in less than 4 minutes) but again with the situation the way that it was...it was too late. I see that EMS has made it to the man and I know that it is now time for me to get out of that place. I have been able to keep composure for the time being but I can feel myself losing that grip. My friend and I stand outside the bar staring...Eventually we see someone come out in cuffs. The bar that was once filled with live music, laughter, and a frustrated group of Sox fans had now turned into a crime scene. The yellow tape is being plastered across the entrance, cops are moving people away, sirens fill the air. We finally drag ourselves out of that place but we can't go home yet. Not like this. We end up making it to another bar on the way home, order double jack and cokes and just sit there. Not a word was said. I'm pretty sure there was a guy at the bar trying to be friendly and talk sports while he waited for his drink. I might have responded to him, I have no clue. We stayed there for about a half and hour and then force ourselves up and walk home.

Stunned doesn't even come close to describing what is going on in our heads. I feel like the guys at the end of a Mortal Kombat fight dazed, staggering back and forth, with the voice yelling out FINISH HIM. All we can do is pray the guy made it. Hope for a miracle, something that will make me sleep better. We try to sleep that night but know that's not happening. We throw in Entourage and just stare at it, trying to muster a laugh out here and there but what's the use? Everytime I close my eyes I just replay the images in my head. Watching the scene unfold over and over. Could we have done anything different? I don't think so. We did all we could. But the one image I can't shake is the color leaving that man's face...his body going limp and hitting the floor. That and on our way out the blood that soaked the bar room floor. It was like someone took a mop, soaked it with blood, and began washing the floor. Those images will be with me for my life.

We received news early that morning or maybe it was even later that night, I don't know that the man did not make it. He was pronounced dead.

Saturday now seems like a blur. I did not sleep the night before, my body is shaking throughout most of the day, and it is accompanied by a queasy stomach. I went to the movies to try and distract myself, that helped a little. I think it will be just one of those things that gets a little easier each day.

Which got me thinking...I almost don't want it to get easier. I do not want to be numbed by what happened. That should never be ok, right? I mean, obviously I want to be able to sleep and move on...I just don't want to become 'ok' with what happened.

I really hope no one has to go through this...it's a surreal experience that changes you forever. If anything, I hope people realize next time they're out (directed at guys) that it is not that serious. Nothing good is going to come out of popping someone with a right hook, talking trash, or firing a glass off a divider. I promise. I'm going to think you're just as cool for walking away...not that my opinion matters but trust me...the tough guy who fired the glass is facing 1 count of manslaughter and 2 for assault and battery...all because of a little scuffle.

MASC: My best explanation.

I have been a part of this organization since my freshmen year of high school. 11 years ago! I'm old. In high school my involvement was more consuming, but as time goes on only about 2 weeks of the year are devoted to MASC (Massachusetts Association of Student Councils). The impact the organization has on me never changes. I continue every summer to pack my bags and head to Stonehill College to reunite with old friends and to continue the development of high school student leaders. For the past 11 years I fail at explaining what the camp is and how it changes lives. You have to be there to fully understand its purpose but I will take another shot at making sense of MASC.

It is a palce that takes young people and opens thier eyes to a new world. It teaches you a bunch of skills that some would deem intangible. It shows you strengths and areas for improvement. You network, make life long friendships, and discover all the potential that is inside. But the most important thing that this place does, is build confidence. High school can be a scary place, especially for freshmen...it can be hard to come out of that shell and it is easy to be put down and just decide "hey, maybe i won't do that...it's too risky." Camp throws all of those things aside and says it's ok to do what you want, what's best for you, what makes you happy. You see the importance in helping others and brining what you learned back to your schools. You laugh, you reflect, you learn, and you fall in love during your week at this place.

I was fortunate to become involved my freshmen year. Fortunate enough to have someone who tapped me on the shoulder and say, you know what you might be good at this, you should check it out. Everything happens for a reason and that teacher changed the course of my life. I went from a quiet jock, who was a below average student, and did his own thing...to someone who constantly tried to improve himself and the poeple around him. I know I'm not doing Camp justice, it sounds cultish and a bit like a disney movie. I hope every student gets an opportunity to experience this feeling, it doesn't have to be this particular camp. I know there are many other places that teach the same principles and have the same core values...but every person should get a chance at this experience.

For me personally, even though I am no longer a camper but a counselor...it is still a rewarding experience. I need this week every year as much as the students. It is my time rejuvenate and get my mind right. I always find peace and clarity while there, I get to escape the mundane work routine and be reminded of why I do what I do. It's a chance to light that fire once again. It is an opportunity for me to reconnect with the people who have helped change my life but who also have become some of my closest friends.

I know I will never fully be able to explain what this place does. But if you live in MA, you happen to have high school aged kids...make sure they attend this one week camp, it will only be a positive influcnce on their lives, that I can guarantee.

Control

Frustration has set in. A cloud of annoyance has been drifting slowly over Franklin, MA and has settled in for a bit. Without getting into specifics, I have been put into a situation that will present itself with some challenging decisions. It really is amazing how many different times in my life that this happens...you begin to mentally prepare yourself for what is ahead. You get yourself in the right mindset, you know what is to come, and you buckle down. Too many times now, I have "figured out" what is going to happen and have come to terms with it and bang another change.

I am beginning to realize that the control is not in my hands. It is my responsibility to be able to make the decisions when it's time but that ultimately the control is missing. It seems as though are constantly searching for a time in our lives that it is peaceful. It is calm, we are aware of what's ahead and we are comfortable...but I am beginning to think that this is not our end point. It should not be our goal/destination. This has quickly turned into a rambling session but really it's arrogant for me to assume anyone is going to read this, so I guess it is allowed. But my point is that we need to just be ready. We have had experiences throughout our lives that have prepared us for just about anything and we just need to understand when the time comes to act. It is easy for me to say in my head what I'm going to do as I carefully plan out each and every step...but when crunch time approaches will I know the move to make? Will I be able to pull the trigger on the more difficult situation? I think that is when character is built...when you know that the more difficult choice is the right one and you can pick it. I know that decisions will have to be made soon and will I be ready? Will you?

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Not now Chief...I'm in the zone.

It truly is amazing on those rare occassions when my brain decides it is going to kick it into high gear and actually be productive. The last few days at work I have managed to really buckle down and fly through work I should have done weeks ago but also plow through material not due for weeks! I guess this is what it feels like to be good at your job?

I am sure there has to be some scientific explanation for how our brain works in those situtaions, but imagine if you could harness that whenever you felt like it. I'm really good at bringing it together when I have put something off until the last minute or at things that really aren't THAT important. When I decide that I want to start working out I get very focused, or on any sort of athletic field I can do the same. However, school work, work-work, or anything that really has any value or importance it's like pulling teeth.

Now if people actually read this blog I would say something like what do you think? Or how do you harness your 'zone' like qualities? Or can we come up with a better term then 'zone' because all I think of when I hear that term is the Jaeger Bomb guy...and quite frankly that should never be in your brain while reading ANYTHING!

MLK and Why I won't be President

I miss the days when people (the public) knew who their leaders were. Granted, I was not really around for "those days" but if I was...I sure would miss them now. I'm sick and tired of having to watch old footage, read documents and textbooks, or talk to the elderly to get an understanding of what a public leader was. Today, everything that happens--everything you see in the news, in politics, in sports is completely scripted. You rarely, rarely see anything genuine come from anyones mouth. I want to hear a speech and be moved. I want to see an election and be excited not because it's the first time something like this has happened in our brief history but because it is actually something I believe in. I want someone to inspire me, to make me want to be a better person not just for me and my selfish needs/reasons but because it's the right thing to do...for my country. I want to see someone take a stand...and I mean a real stand. Where they go against the grain, stand up for a true MINORITY (and I'm not talking about the color of your skin).

I remember as a young student someone telling me leadership is all about timing and knowing one thing: "you are not going to make everyone happy, the sooner you get that through your brain the stronger you will be." Now I'm not that old, so the saying can't be dead...can it? I want to see some people do things because it's the right thing to do. I want the media to shut up. Just for a couple weeks. I want to hear about a kid who saved a puppy instead of how phone companies are screwing us or teen pregnancy is up. Just for a couple weeks...then we can get all of that back.

In rememberance of Martin Luther King Jr I hope some people read this blog some day. He is what is missing. His generation of leadership is what is needed in a struggling world. The days of MLK and Bobby Kennedy seem to be as dead as they are. Of course they had some of the same issues/corruptions of today's politicians but the media couldn't/wouldn't talk about it back then but you know what, they still spoke their mind...went against the grain and actually seemed like people, werid right? When's the last time someone spoke to the masses and you actually felt like they were talking to you (comedians don't count, well unless it's Chris Rock making fun of the very establishment I'm talking about). I just want some hope, that's all.


Politics is annoying. Massachusetts is in the middle of an election for a senate seat. I'm all for voting and letting your voice be heard, hey I'm even a fan of a democracy...but this election is funny. I don't mean the funny, haha that was a great joke funny. I mean the kind that's not really funny--but you don't really want to swear so you just say it's funny.

The MA Senate race has been a National concern because of one health care referrendum and because it's the Kennedy Vacancy. The state of MA as well as the country as focused solely on this issue. So once this vote is over can we have a new election?

People jokingly and seriously (my mom) have told me that I should get into politics or run for President. Well below is the top 4 reasons why it just won't happen:

1. Do not make nearly enough money/famous relative
2. POKER
3. I don't think I have the discipline to not run my mouth when I see stupid things...like Marth Coakley's entire ad campaign.
4. I would not commit to a party.

New Years/New Semesters/New, New, New!

Well, it's January 2010. It just doesn't sound or even look right does it? The new year brings an opportunity to start fresh...really it's just another day but for whatever reason our brain thinks it's time to reboot or start anew.

I am usually not a big New Year's fan or into the whole resolution thing but this year I decided to give it a try. In the position I am in at work I have two different job duties. One within Leadership Development and the other focusing solely on Residence Life. I am not a huge Residence Life fan nor do I enjoy doing my job to the fullest. I'm really good at putting in a 'B' job and coasting on through. But for whatever reason, I have decided that I am actually going to TRY this semester. Whether it is the fact that I want to have stronger references when I leave here or that I actually care about the students. I have gotten into this jaded mindset where I am just ANTI Authority when it comes to that office...but I have learned that it's a stupid mindset. Though I may not agree with many decisions made or even personel it's silly for me to sit back and do that...it's a new year right?