I don't ever want to go through that again. I don't want any of you to ever have to go through that experience. I have been working in Residence Life since I was 19. Going on my seventh year. I am suppose to be prepared to deal with whatever comes my way and then after the fact be able to process it and move on.
I don't think any amount of training could have ever prepared me for the acts of Friday night. I am going to try and spare as many of the details as I can but unfortunately this is a selfish blog post. It is so I can try to find some clarity and peace...so if you just ate...are just about to eat...or have a weak stomach you might want to just wait until the next blog post comes your way.
I am the king of the Napoleon disease...for those of you non history majors the short man syndrome. I feel like I have to act bigger than I am...whether it's on the sports field, in the gym, or even during altercations. I like to think that I keep a cool head for 90% of the time but what I'm trying to say is I understand what's going on in peoples head when stuff goes down. Well, Friday night was a perfect example of someone acting tough. There was some sort of fight that was happening at the bar we were at...luckily we were 10 feet or so away from where it happened but close enough we knew what was going on. A glass was thrown. It shattered on a divider seperating the bar and seating area and splintered into pieces. Normally, not a big deal. This night however, it turned into a flying dagger...it struck two bystanders giving them minor wounds and would be ok but a bigger piece happened to slice this mans neck. It caught him at a point that it hit an artery (my assumption, not a doctor so I apologize if that is not the correct terminology). He was in shock, I don't even think he knew how severe it was nor did anyone else around him. He happened to stumble on in front of me. It looked like he might have been punched in the face and broke his nose...the way the blood was on his face. He then moved his hand from his neck and blood rushed out. I'm not talking about a bad cut where it quickly slides down his body. I'm talking about gushing. His neck turned into a geiser for the next 20 seconds which seemed to be hours. The second he moved his hand I reached for my phone and was on 911 and trying to grab towels from the bar. In the back of my head, I knew it was too late. We were able to get some help from some bartenders who were staring blankly at the blood that had poured onto the floor. I'm trying to describe the scene to 911 as calmly as possible. I'm not trained for this, I don't even know what I'm describing except I feel like I'm in one of 'Dexter's' Flashbacks. I felt like it was one of those dumb horror films that you kind of laugh at when you watch.
It seemed to take paramedics hours to get there (in actuality there response time was amazing, they were there in less than 4 minutes) but again with the situation the way that it was...it was too late. I see that EMS has made it to the man and I know that it is now time for me to get out of that place. I have been able to keep composure for the time being but I can feel myself losing that grip. My friend and I stand outside the bar staring...Eventually we see someone come out in cuffs. The bar that was once filled with live music, laughter, and a frustrated group of Sox fans had now turned into a crime scene. The yellow tape is being plastered across the entrance, cops are moving people away, sirens fill the air. We finally drag ourselves out of that place but we can't go home yet. Not like this. We end up making it to another bar on the way home, order double jack and cokes and just sit there. Not a word was said. I'm pretty sure there was a guy at the bar trying to be friendly and talk sports while he waited for his drink. I might have responded to him, I have no clue. We stayed there for about a half and hour and then force ourselves up and walk home.
Stunned doesn't even come close to describing what is going on in our heads. I feel like the guys at the end of a Mortal Kombat fight dazed, staggering back and forth, with the voice yelling out FINISH HIM. All we can do is pray the guy made it. Hope for a miracle, something that will make me sleep better. We try to sleep that night but know that's not happening. We throw in Entourage and just stare at it, trying to muster a laugh out here and there but what's the use? Everytime I close my eyes I just replay the images in my head. Watching the scene unfold over and over. Could we have done anything different? I don't think so. We did all we could. But the one image I can't shake is the color leaving that man's face...his body going limp and hitting the floor. That and on our way out the blood that soaked the bar room floor. It was like someone took a mop, soaked it with blood, and began washing the floor. Those images will be with me for my life.
We received news early that morning or maybe it was even later that night, I don't know that the man did not make it. He was pronounced dead.
Saturday now seems like a blur. I did not sleep the night before, my body is shaking throughout most of the day, and it is accompanied by a queasy stomach. I went to the movies to try and distract myself, that helped a little. I think it will be just one of those things that gets a little easier each day.
Which got me thinking...I almost don't want it to get easier. I do not want to be numbed by what happened. That should never be ok, right? I mean, obviously I want to be able to sleep and move on...I just don't want to become 'ok' with what happened.
I really hope no one has to go through this...it's a surreal experience that changes you forever. If anything, I hope people realize next time they're out (directed at guys) that it is not that serious. Nothing good is going to come out of popping someone with a right hook, talking trash, or firing a glass off a divider. I promise. I'm going to think you're just as cool for walking away...not that my opinion matters but trust me...the tough guy who fired the glass is facing 1 count of manslaughter and 2 for assault and battery...all because of a little scuffle.
